the toys

It sure beats sleeping, that's for sure. One of my problems in life is that I cannot stay bored for too long, not even long enough to really complain about it. There's always something else to tinker with or think up or do even if just for the gits-n-shiggles factor. As a result, I stay up later and watch the sun rise more times than I'd like to. Here now are some of the more technical marvels I've devised over the years.

View

• OH DIE MENSCHLICHKEIT
  My latest Flash animation, featuring an ear of corn and a radio broadcast from long ago. Symbolism galore, kiddies, and that's no lie -- the first half of the film is based on an actual bizarre dream I had once.
• MALINEUM FORSE
  An earlier Flash animation (can you count the technical inaccuracies?) featuring way too many rec.roller-coaster injokes for anybody's good. It's also kinda quiet save for the hard rockin' soundtrack.
• "Trip to Mars"
  The shortest (yet stupidest!) Flash animation yet. This was created on demand, as it were, by two alt.stupidity regulars (alt.stupidians?) from opposite sides of the world who managed to meet, drink, and make merry -- and they even took pictures. So I made a little video salute to them so that they could have their memories, even if personally theirs were lost in a booze-soaked haze. WARNING: You will probably not understand the injokes.

Create

• emily, the freeform poetry generator
  emily was the first in my ongoing quest to write English simulations. emily (small e) randomly grabs words out of /usr/dict/words and arranges them with punctuation as she randomly sees fit, and the result is somewhat akin to freeform poetry heard in the best coffeehouses around. One can see a myriad of meanings into emily's words sometimes, and that's great.


• emily tries haiku
  Using a handcrafted word database, dear emily counts the syllables and presents freeform haiku in 5-7-5 format. I've tried to seed the database with enough references to nature that they may even be technically acceptable. Try your luck!


• chloe, the writing generator
  My second, more advanced English simulation, chloe (small c) requires source text to create her work. Utilizing markov chain algorithms, chloe constructs her own writing using the words from the source and their relationships to one another. The results can be surprisingly lucid at times. Watch as Shakespeare is rewritten right before your eyes!


• virtual eschwa
  I improved on my own chloe engine to simulate actual factual BBS conversation using actual factual posts from an actual factual BBS. Even the regulars were surprised with the lucidity and coherence of the output. For even more fun, take some of Virtual Eschwa's output and run it through the same engine for Virtual Virtual Eschwa but please beware; the sanity you lose may just be your own.


• martha the cat is a mighty pirate
  Martha is a cat. She wants to be a mighty pirate. So she learned what pirates like to say. Reload as often as you'd like for a new and fun pirate quote!

Listen

• I Do, Too
  It's a sweet Valentine's Day song sung in two-part harmony by yours truly. Pass it along to someone you love!


• Safe-T-Woo (Bubb Rubb remix)
  I don't often latch on to too many Internet memes, but the Bubb Rubb "whistle go WOOOOOO" fun was too good to pass up. I actually mixed two Something Awful forum memes here, using Bubb Rubb's samples over a horrible scary track featuring a cartoon cat from the 80's rapping about how to ride escalators safely. No kidding.


• Nye! (The Sounds of Science remix)
  My first try in a Something Awful forums "Remix This!" contest. The challenge was to remix the theme song to Bill Nye, the Science Guy. So I did. I won third place and got a nifty SA Forums Platinum Account out of it. Hooray!