sure beats sleeping, that's for sure. One of my problems in life
is that I cannot stay bored for too long, not even long enough
to really complain about it. There's always something else to
tinker with or think up or do even if just for the gits-n-shiggles
factor. As a result, I stay up later and watch the sun rise more
times than I'd like to. Here now are some of the more technical
marvels I've devised over the years.
My latest Flash animation, featuring an ear of corn and a radio
broadcast from long ago. Symbolism galore, kiddies, and that's
no lie -- the first half of the film is based on an actual bizarre
dream I had once.
An earlier Flash animation (can you count the technical inaccuracies?)
featuring way too many rec.roller-coaster injokes for anybody's
good. It's also kinda quiet save for the hard rockin' soundtrack.
The shortest (yet stupidest!) Flash animation yet. This was created
on demand, as it were, by two alt.stupidity regulars (alt.stupidians?)
from opposite sides of the world who managed to meet, drink, and
make merry -- and they even took pictures. So I made a little
video salute to them so that they could have their memories, even
if personally theirs were lost in a booze-soaked haze. WARNING:
You will probably not understand the injokes.
the freeform poetry generator
was the first in my ongoing quest to write English simulations.
emily (small e) randomly grabs words out of /usr/dict/words and
arranges them with punctuation as she randomly sees fit, and the
result is somewhat akin to freeform poetry heard in the best coffeehouses
around. One can see a myriad of meanings into emily's words sometimes,
and that's great.
Using a handcrafted word database, dear emily counts the syllables
and presents freeform haiku in 5-7-5 format. I've tried to seed
the database with enough references to nature that they may even
be technically acceptable. Try your luck!
the writing generator
My second, more advanced English simulation, chloe (small c) requires
source text to create her work. Utilizing markov chain algorithms,
chloe constructs her own writing using the words from the source
and their relationships to one another. The results can be surprisingly
lucid at times. Watch as Shakespeare is rewritten right before
I improved on my own chloe engine to simulate actual factual BBS
conversation using actual factual posts from an actual factual BBS. Even
the regulars were surprised with the lucidity and coherence of the output.
For even more fun, take some of Virtual Eschwa's output and run it through
the same engine for Virtual
Virtual Eschwa but please beware; the sanity you lose may just be your
- martha the cat is a mighty
Martha is a cat. She wants to be a mighty pirate. So she learned what
pirates like to say. Reload as often as you'd like for a new and fun
I Do, Too
It's a sweet Valentine's Day song sung in two-part harmony by yours truly.
Pass it along to someone you love!
Safe-T-Woo (Bubb Rubb remix)
I don't often latch on to too many Internet memes, but the Bubb Rubb "whistle
go WOOOOOO" fun was too good to pass up. I actually mixed two Something
Awful forum memes here, using Bubb Rubb's samples over a horrible scary track
featuring a cartoon cat from the 80's rapping about how to ride escalators
safely. No kidding.
Nye! (The Sounds of Science remix)
My first try in a Something Awful forums "Remix This!" contest. The challenge
was to remix the theme song to Bill Nye, the Science Guy. So I did. I won
third place and got a nifty SA Forums Platinum Account out of it. Hooray!
What's your name? Tired of all the foolish "Find Your Blah
Blah Whatever Name" generators that seem to get tossed around
the meme-networks with gleeful abandon, I wrote my own name generator.
It gives you a name based on your own. It is A WORK OF GENIUS
and ONE THAT WAS TRULY NEEDED BY THIS INTER WEB NET. I love you.
I was fascinated with numbers stations -- shortwave frequencies
that broadcast secret coded messages. Real spy stuff, honest to
Pete! So I came up with my own numbers station and wrote Perl
scripts to encode sekrit messages and stuff. Try your hand at
decoding the missives.
Interactive Fiction (for you and yours)
One of my more favorite hobbies, I've taken up writing works of
Interactive Fiction. You know. Text adventures, like Zork and
stuff. Only I haven't been able to write a full-length game yet,
so you get a lot of little things, like the masterpiece of minimalism,
Pick Up The Phone Booth and Die. Seriously.
That's right, it's the grand daddy of stupid himself, Spatch's
Own Stupid Homepage. This particular version was last updated
in 1998 and hosted elsewhere, but I've since resurrected it and
kept it up for archival purposes. Most of the external links and
the CGI scripts don't work and I suppose one of these days I could
port the 88 Lines about 44 Women script over here, but
I was pleased to note that the Moment of Zen page broke
in its own special way -- and I liked it like that. It still proves
to be one of the more popular pages in the section. But all in
all, it's a grand gallery of bustification, and that's OK by me.
I got bigger fish to fry now.
Inspired directly by the folks at rinkworks, this site offers
up Interactive Fiction classics in capsule format. Some of them
are very funny. User submissions declined sharply and I should
retool the site one of these days. Ho hum.