Ding 44! Ding 44! Ding 44! YAaAAAAAAAAAY

I'd been 43 for far too long, all quads considered. But half of that was the problem with the new Linksys router my roommate had installed without telling me. Anyway. I finally dinged 44, used my Ulthork loot to buy most of my 44 spells, hit a_large_rat00 for 606 with Conflagration, and giggled like a mofo.

Then I got the call.

"hey fortz let's go to warrens and fuck shit up."

For some strange reason my esteemed guildmates have become obsessed with creating mega-trains in the Warrens and then mowing them all down with grand blasts of power and stuff. Mostly for Paineel faction, and I always enjoy hitting a PBAE with so many kobolds swarming around the mid-50s tank. Yeah, it's a ghetto AE group. Shuts up. WE'RE IN IT FOR THE FACTION.

I pick up our local chanter (Skeetus what) in Bazaar and we set off for Toxx, everybody's favorite newbie zone. The Nexus Scion glares at us as we pass. Idiot.

I'm zoning into Paineel and chatting with guildmates happily, and answering some random person's question why the chanter and I said "Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed" as I ported us out of Bazaar. Nothing too fancy, really.

Then I turn the corner out of the tunnel and ... what

what

lag

what

dude, that's fucked. Thanks for the packetloss. Now why am I ...

shit.

The Hole.

By the time my ping had left the millions, I was hovering in mid-air over the Hole and was already in the process of zoning.

First there's this white-hot shiver of fear that creeps up your spine, and then a dumbfounded sense of stupor as the reality of it all sinks in. Jesus, dude, you just fell in The Hole. The Hole. The Motherfucking Newbie Joke Ha Ha Better Not Fall In The Hole Stupid Noob.

And then you scream.

And then, if you're using my computer, you wait another 25 minutes to zone into an area you haven't been in before. Yeah, my computer's a POS. 800Mhz was so goddamn fast two years ago, goddammit, and I'd prefer to pretend I was still living in the year 2000 if you don't mind.

I finally zone in. I fall what feels like only 75 game feet and then I die. That's it? I think. That was the fall into The Hole?! Goddamn, that was overrated. Seriously. I had always hoped a fall into The Hole was some horrible, excruciating 20-second fall, or at least a fall slightly shorter than the Divine Aura cast time or something. I was really hoping for some kind of production, but no. It's as if I was in the zone and I just stepped wrong off a tall rock or something and FELL TO MY DEATH. All in all, a very overrated experience and not one I will recommend to a friend or acquaintance.

I notice that /guildchat has gone INSANE when notified that "FORTZ FELL DOWN TEH HOLE!!!1" before I zone back to my bind. Then I try to explain what happened. Lag, seriously. What, you think I'm stupid enough to jump in? Nobody dared me, or even offered to pay me for such hijinks. I petition to see if a guide can do anything for me, and after they stop laughing they tell me there's nothing they can do unless I've exhausted all other means of corpse recovery or if the corpse turns out to be unrecoverable.

"Well, I fell on another corpse at the bottom," I suggest. "Perhaps I impaled myself on their weapon and made myself unrecoverable."

Ah well, I guess it was worth a shot and it made the guide laugh.

Anyway, a high-enough necromancer in the guild (Rolleyes what) helps me out with a summon, and I snag a 35% rez for free because people are nice and it's good to laugh at one's misfortune. I'm laughing at this point, because the story of the Stupid Gnome Who Lagged Into The Hole is too silly to pass up. I'm back at 43, but only a blue or so down. That's easily gained in a quad or two back in EW.

Skeetus and I zone back out to Tox and hang out at the Spires. Of course, a sitting gnome is instant aggro for an idiot greenie skeleton, who starts picking away at me for 1 damage every 25 hits or so. Tiring of this idiocy, I stand up, click on the skeleton, and hit a very small, very fast nuke.

Only. Except. Aw, c'mon.

Due to that stupid targeting bug or whatever the hell SOE likes to pretend it's not, I have ended up targeting the Nexus Scion when I clicked on the damn skeleton. And by the time I realize it, it's too late. The Scion reaches over and taps me on the shoulder for 1334 points of damage. I remember this value only because, as I zone back to my bind spot and check the scrollback to see the guild in hysterics again, I think of how nifty it would have been if that bastard Scion had at least hit me for 1337 damage, thus pwning me or something. I dunno.

The CR this time around is rather short.

Then we get the brilliant idea to stay the hell out of Paineel and instead go visit Kerra Isle, because the thought of a few 40s and 50s beating the crap out of a bunch of kitties has us all in cathartic thrall. And at the rate I'm going, it'll be nice to pick on something my figurative level.

Kerra Isle is completely empty, so we go deep into the island (well, relatively speaking) and pull from the temple, ready for a wacky zany fun time. Until I notice some bastard's actually hitting me for 140 a pop. Nice poison damage. Oh, great. A shaman.

"What the hell?" I say, caught up in SOMEONE ELSE'S INCREDIBLY MASSIVE TRAIN. "This is stupid." I spam my jboots and take off, but -- what I'm still getting hit. Oh, of course. The shaman has SOWed all his kitty buddies while the zone sat empty. There must have been one gigantic fucking SOW party while nobody was around. God damn kitties. I fall inches from the zone to Tox.

I swear the Nexus Scion pointed and laughed as I arrived at the spires, naked, for a third time in an hour and a half.

I find it most amusing that these deaths increased in abject stupidity over time:

1. Falling down The Hole.
2. Getting smacked by the Nexus Scion.
3. Getting truly owned by a gaggle of mid-teen furries.
It's been long enough that I can laugh over it, sure, but now I've got half a level to recover thanks to some careless, cocky moments, not checking my targeting exactly, and having a cruddy connection. Ah, well.

I can laugh, though, cause Skeetus died seven times the night before. In a row, or something. So I had four more moments of stupidity to go to even the record -- but I logged out.

I think I'll start playing Blade Mistress instead.