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The Magic Helicopter is magic, indeed! It basically "zooms"
its way into the very backdrop we see in the films' title
card, above. Then a little conflict to make things exciting!
"Hold tight, kids, " the Narrator says rather
cheerfully and without any urgency in his voice. "We're
coming in for a snowy landing!"
Some
entrance to a split-level ranch, isn't it? Then again, this
is also the backdrop for the Kiwanis' "Haunted Castle"
Halloween event, so we really can't knock it too much.
Dick
and Ann are welcomed into Santa's swinging living room (the
ottoman has departed for a better-paying job on the Dick
Van Dyke Show) and, after Tubbytommytony is bade leave,
we are treated to The One Part Of This Movie That's Really
Really Wrong.
See,
the wrong begins when Santa beckons the childen to sit on
his lap and he'll tell them "about Santa they may not
know." I should point out at this point that Santa's
voice is, um, well, it's high. No jolly deep tones from this
voicebox here. I'm talking wiseguy high. I'm talking Some
Guy Named Vinnie high. It's almost Joe Pesci high, but has
a slight baritone timbre to it which prevents it from hitting
those dog-calling pitches Pesci can reach when he's good and
worked up. Suffice to say any "ho ho ho" from this
fellow will sound more like Ralphie Aprille than Big Pussy.
But
that's not the Wrong part. The Wrong part comes when Santa
reaches out to the kids and they VISIBLY SHIRK AWAY.
Hell, wouldn't you? But shirking children anger Santa, and
he reaches forth, grabs them both, and yanks them onto
his lap. I compiled a a short
sequence of images that illustrate Santa's movements here.
Watch poor Dick get hoisted up like a mizzenmast! Arrr!
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But before we can properly react to this, we are treated
to an extra-long montage of stock footage of Santa out 'n
about. Here, for instance, is some footage of a fireboat.
Why? Because it pads the film!
Oh,
maybe we see the boat because then in the next shot, we
see Santa on a boat! Santa has piloted the fireboat!
Santa has put out the flames! Santa has saved the day!
HOORAY
FOR SANTY CLAUS!
...no,
wait, he's just arrived on a ferry boat. That doesn't stop
him from taking all the glory, though.
NARRATOR: Always
ready to please little children, he makes his jolly trip.
In many different ways.
He arrives on
riverboats, and finds many new friends all along the way.
Wherever he goes,
he always has lo-o-oads of fun.
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And from frames 145 to 163, you can clearly see Santa's
head move back, and to the left; back, and to the
left; back, and to the left...
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NARRATOR: See
that chimney? I'll let you in on a little secret. Santa
almost didn't fit in it, and Mrs Santa, Claus has informed
him that he must stop eating so much.
NARRATOR:
With all the big new shopping centers opening everywhere,
Santa has to use his new rocket to get around, but he still
uses his reindeer. On Christmas Eve. They can get him just,
anywhere. And he's so proud of them, too.
We
do not see a single image of reindeer in this entire film.
Though Santa's spacey sidekick wearing a Terrible Towel
for a cape sure is amusing.
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