seeing the elephant

There is a saying from the Gold Rush era that seems to have fallen out of use in these enlightened and cynical days. Those traveling West would bring back for their city slicker friends wild tales of incredible sights, strange and wonderful destinations, and bizarre exotic animals. And when you'd finally gone west and "seen the elephant", it meant you too had made that journey and experienced for yourself the wonders of a world so fantastic and incredible that you were just sure the folks at home wouldn't believe you.

I have seen the elephant, and it lives at Universal Studios' Islands Of Adventure theme park.

I just went to IOA this weekend (Nov 6-8). I can honestly say that the trip was the best of the amusement park season and, perhaps, one of the best trips I've been on in a very long time. It's affected me in ways I didn't think a theme park could ever affect me. I close my eyes, even just for a moment, and I'm walking across the bridge into Marvel Super Hero Island, watching Hulk roar under me. I'm staring, open-mouthed like a dumb tourist, at the fallen temple of Poseidon's Fury. I'm giggling like a kid as I get squirted on One Fish Two Fish. In these days of Disney's hell-bent insisting on creating Magical Mystical Memories That Will Undoubtedly Stick In Your Mind For The Rest Of Your Life And Bring Your Family Together In Ways You Never Thought Possible Before, I found a place that said "Here. Here's some wicked cool stuff for you to see and do. We're not gonna promise you magical memories or any of that mystical crap, but we're pretty confident you're gonna walk away with more than a headful of mental souvenirs. You're probably also gonna walk away with your share of expensive park-branded swag, but that's a different story."

Ah, yes, IOA.
IOA, IOA, IOA.
Say it quickly and it sounds like "Iowa".

Where to begin? I've been following the progress of this park for quite some time now. I remember reading about the plans many moons ago, and being thrilled that perhaps now Disney would go for some thrill rides with a little bit of competition in the area. I was impressed with the ride complement IOA had planned, but knew they weren't going to compare with what I knew as the best theming on the planet -- Disney's stranglehold on the #1 Themed Experiences On Earth. But Disney's grown complacent. Lazy, if you want to get inflammatory (I'll stick with "complacent" here.) Safe and secure in the knowledge that with no other parks in the area coming close to their standard of theming, they were more than content to move at a reasonable pace, packaging everything up neatly as "Disney magic" and knowing families would eat it up with a spoon. But not any more. They've got competition in the form of Islands Of Adventure and, frankly, it outdisneys Disney. It is, without a doubt, the most incredible theme park I've ever been to.

I'm reminded of a term in the pro wrestling biz (and other circles, but I know it mostly from pro wrestling.) A mark (lowercase m, by the way) is someone who totally buys in to the whole concept of the "sport". Usually it denotes someone who truly believes wrestling is real, and they react to the spectacle accordingly. Other, more knowledgable folks like you and me can "mark out" from time to time, enthusiastically playing along at an event, booing the guys you hate and going apeshit over those you root for, as if you, too, believed everything you saw right there was real and true (as opposed to orchestrated and scripted in advance). Well, I marked out at IOA big time. There was one point in particular where I gave in to the escapism and bought in to the whole experience.

It happened my second day at the park on the Jurassic Park River Adventure. I wasn't even sure why I was riding it again, for Saturday's jaunt proved somewhat disappointing (you lose a bit of respect for a ride when the first dino you see is out of commission and not moving.) However, Monday's ride on the JPRA was different. The ultrasaur was working, the raptors seemed to move a bit quicker, and while the slashed-metal effect wasn't quite right, the T-Rex bobbled out of the mist at exactly the right moment as we teetered over the drop. I hollered along with the first-time riders seated around me, and we all enjoyed the splashdown.

Then, as the boat rounded the corner, I looked up at the walkway and saw Dr. Hammond, creator of Jurassic Park, standing with his amber-topped walking stick, smiling and waving at us. Sure, it was only a guy Universal hired to dress up and walk around the Jurassic Park island, greeting guests, but at that exact instant in time, it was the COOLEST THING IN THE WORLD. Hey, it's Dr. Hammond! THE Dr. Hammond! He made this place! HI, DOCTOR HAMMOND! HIIIIIII DOCTOR HAMMOND! Everybody in the boat was, at this point, waving and cheering at the good doctor who just stood, waving back and beaming proudly as if he was genuinely happy to see another boatful of tourists running around on his island having fun seeing dinosaurs.

At that moment, this illusion was more real to me than any college student in a mouse suit could ever hope to be. I'm not ashamed to admit that I marked out at Islands Of Adventure, although in retrospect I probably think I just needed some coffee at that point in the morning. Even so, this image is one that keeps me smiling and scheming however I can to make it back to Orlando at my earliest convenience. It hasn't even been a week, and I so desperately want to go back.

I want to see the elephant again.

Take care, and don't eat anything you shouldn't.