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pits and bieces I have the coolest jacket in the world and you don't. It's a Columbia jacket and it's good and warm. There's an inner fleece lining which you can unzip and wear if you don't want to wear the outer shell, too. The pockets are fleece-lined so you can stick your hands in and warm them up. There are more pockets than things I wish to smuggle. It's red, but a dark red so I don't look like a firetruck (after several years of being green and, before that, gray, it's very odd to wear red.) You can take the hood off and wave it around if you so desire. It says "Double Whammy" on the back for no good reason, reminding us all of the genius that was Press Your Luck and host Peter Tomarken. And it was 30% off winter clearance. While we may not get any snow this year and the temperatures may hover around 40-50, it's nice to know there are still places in the world where this jacket helps me stay warm. Places, say, like Minneapolis. I spent New Years' in Minneapolis, and as a result I watched 2000 ring in on the television. I don't think I actually experienced the new year itself, I just watched it happen in other places around the world on TV. Central time sucks. No, really, it does. To have the ball drop in Times Square just so you can ring in 11 PM where you are is a major rip-off, emotionally speaking. I felt as if those folks were celebrating the real new year, while I had to make do with a fake celebration. Then, as the Last Hour ticked by, I had worried feelings. Maybe I didn't want the New Year after all. Maybe I kinda liked writing a '1' at the beginning of each year. Maybe time was just progressing too damn fast for my likings. Yeah, it was worrisome. Fortunately, Julie suggested I use another calendar like the Masonic or the Jewish calendar, and I'd never have to write a '2' at the beginning of my dates ever again. It kinda made me feel better. The beer and champagne didn't hurt much, neither. When the ball finally did drop in our time zone, and the revelers all engaged in their pre-recorded revelry once more, I was more concerned with getting the cork out of the champagne bottle. I counted down and went 'yay' and stuff, but it just didn't feel like a New Years. Maybe one has to psyche oneself up to feel exhilirated as one year rolls over to the next -- I've been psyched many times before, for 1983 and 1992 and possibly 1999 -- but there was no way in Hell I'd be getting Millennial Fever this year. Or the next, for that matter. And that, unfortunately, kept me from fully experiencing the grand and momentous changeover from the Years That Began With '1' to the Years That Begin With '2'. A moment the entire world shared? Not really. A moment, parceled out into 24 equal units, that most of the entire world shared over the period of 24 hours, everyone except of a very drunk man in a basement of a friend's house in Minneapolis. Perhaps I was just obsessing over the New Year's kiss thing. I dunno. It is 2000, isn't it? January 1 was nice, though. We piled into cars and drove a zillion miles out into the middle of nowhere, Iowa (Wellsburg, to be exact). 40 or so people converged upon Burk's Supper Club for an evening of dining and laughing at each other. The steak was great -- marinated in Jim Beam, cooked nice 'n rare, and I only spilled a little bit of sour cream when I was fixing up my baked potato. Lots of blurry photos were taken, and it was very rad. If you ever find yourself in Wellsburg, no matter how obscure the reason, you owe it to yourself to go to Burk's. And I'm not just saying that because Jami, the proprietor, smooched me. She was only relaying a message, that's all. (Thanks, Heather!) Nate is rad. Very rad. Nate gave me Kinder Surprise candy when I was in Minneapolis. It's stuff you'll probably never get to see in America because it's so cool. It's a large hollow chocolate egg. Actually, it's chocolate with a milky inner lining. It tastes very good. And inside each one is a toy! Yeah, a toy. The ones I got were packaged in a large orange plastic casing. Something you don't think anybody, no matter how young and stupid, would try to eat since it is the size of a horse pill. There are also warnings in about a zillion languages, on both the box and inside the plastic casing, telling you NOT TO EAT ANYTHING BUT THE TASTY CHOCOLATE SHELL. Once inside, though, you open up the toy and there's something intricate you get to build. I got an odd "ferris wheelie" that consists of two equally-weighted gnome/hippo things that revolve around each other, ferris wheel-like. It's very cool, but you have to make sure not to flip the ferris wheel too fast or one will fall off. When inert, the Ferris Wheelie creatures are perfectly balanced. Then you come along to disrupt that balance. Like I said, very cool. I also got two "Gardening Googles". They're plastic flowers with little glow-in-the-dark guys who supposedly take care of them. One has a tiny watering can and the other has a magnifying glass. I wonder if the flowers he finds are cached so you can check 'em out even when they're down or not responding. Anyhow, you'll never see Kinder Surprise in America not only because it's so cool, but because folks are seriously afraid Big Dumb Stupid American Kids are gonna choke to death left and right on the toys. This is sad. Kids like to put stuff in their mouth, regardless of nationality, but somehow the Americans are just defenseless against this scourge. We'd just sit there and let our kids choke to death and then sue the candy company. Is that what we'd do? Is that it? Huh? Huh? I weep for each and every one of you. Here's a list: 72 If you figure out what this is a list of, you're smarter than I. Also, you scare me. Take care, and don't eat anything you shouldn't. | |||
