BEFORE WE BEGIN TONIGHT'S PRESENTATION WE HAVE A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE, SO TAKE IT AWAY GUYS

 


AHEM THANK YOU ANGEL CAT, ANYWAY, HI, WE'RE THE ANIMAL HAT GANG AND WE'VE BEEN CHOSEN TO MAKE A VERY SPECIAL CAT TOWN SALUTE TO FARK, POPULATION MANY


SAAAAAAAAA-LUTE


IT'S NOT NEWS, IT'S FARK, HURR HURR HURR


ANYWAY WE'D LIKE TO HELP CLEAR UP SOME COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT FARK AND THE LOVELY PEOPLE WHO INHABIT IT


FOR ONE, FARK USERS ARE DUMBER THAN THE BOX THE HAMMERS CAME IN


THIS IS NOT ENTIRELY TRUE


FOR TWO, FARK USERS HAVE A GREAT HABIT OF NOT BOTHERING TO READ THEIR OWN THREADS


OKAY THAT PART MIGHT JUST BE TRUE FOR SOME OF THE USERS BUT THEN AGAIN WE CAN'T ALL BE EXPERTS AT THE INTERNET


WHAT A BUNCH OF FARKING SHIAT HURR HURR HURR


WHAT THE HECK'S HE SAYING


DO WE EVER REALLY KNOW


GOOD POINT


AT ANY RATE, IT SEEMS THAT FARK HAS A BUNCH OF TRUE INTERNET DETECTIVE GENIUSES WHO DECIDED TO GET ALL SMARTY AND DEDUCE THAT CAT TOWN IS WRITTEN BY RABS SINCE HER PICTURE IS ON THE PAGE, AND THEN THEY CALLED HER NAMES AND STUFF


NOT TRUE AT ALL, RABS IS NOT THE WRITER, SHE WAS A GUEST STAR AND PEOPLE WHO CALL THEMSELVES "FARKERS" AREN'T IN ANY POSITION TO DO ANY NAMECALLING THEMSELVES IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN


AND CAT TOWN IS NOT WRITTEN, IT SPRINGS FULL-FORMED FROM THE COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE INTERNET AND IS SPREAD LIKE MEMES OR FOLK MUSIC


WHAT


HOLY


I MEAN, HURR HURR HURR


SO WE THOUGHT WE'D HELP OUT AND CLEAR THE AIR A BIT ABOUT THE NATURE OF THE CAT TOWN WRITER


HE IS 33 YEARS OLD, SEMI-UNEMPLOYED, LIVES IN HIS MOM'S BASEMENT, HASN'T HAD A DATE IN YEARS OTHER THAN THAT BLIND DATE FROM FRIENDSTER WHO "SUDDENLY HAD SOMETHING COME UP" AT THE LAST MINUTE, AND WHEN HE'S NOT WRITING CAT TOWN OR WORKING PART-TIME AT THE STORE 24 USING UP ALL THE SCRATCH TICKETS, HE'S PLAYING STAR WARS: GALAXIES WHERE HE IS ONE OF THOSE HOT ALIEN BABES WITH THE WEIRD HEAD TENTACLES WHO DANCES AROUND JABBA THE HUTT'S PALACE WITH VERY LITTLE CLOTHING ON


IN SHORT, HE'S JUST LIKE THE FARKERS


HURR HURR HURR, THIS IS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE WHEN DOVES CRY


SO CHEER UP, GUYS, YOU GOT A LOT IN COMMON WITH THE GENIUS BEHIND CAT TOWN


AND FOR THE REST OF YOU FARKERS, THE ONES WHO WERE REALLY ON THE BALL, WE SURE DO APPRECIATE YOUR PAGE VIEWS AND COMMENTS. BE SURE AND STOP BY ANY TIME -- AND YOU CAN HAVE FREE CHERRY ICEES TOMORROW AT THE STORE 24, JUST TELL 'EM THE ANIMAL HAT GANG SENT YOU


SO BEFORE THE FOURTH WALL GETS SMASHED ANY FURTHER, HERE'S THE THRILLING CONCLUSION TO THE DOGVILLE SAGA, WHERE ALL THE CATS OF CAT TOWN MEET THE PRESIDENT OF THE INTERNET


BOOBIES


WE'RE SO LEAVING YOU OUT OF THE ANNOUNCEMENT NEXT TIME, MAN

 

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